The closer I came to the place in the hallway where my heart heard those words and my entire being slumped to the floor in disbelief, the less breath I had. Not a moment anyone wants to relive. In order to find the treasure that awaited me in the nursery down the hall walking these steps once again was a requirement. No way to come at it from a different angle or take a different route. If there was I certainly was not aware of one. The pain and sadness was once again so fresh and real. The tears once again started to fall. I'm not sure how it can still seem so unreal when I know it is indeed very real.
The hallway where I lost you led to the hallway I would find a part of you that was a living, breathing, priceless jewel. My eyes could not believe how perfectly beautiful she was. I stood there with my face against the nursery glass and just breathed her in. She lay there in that tiny bed like she was laying on the beach in Jamaica. Not moving, only breathing one breath after another.
I stood there watching her little chest rise and fall, rise and fall. Life, a little tiny 6.9 pounds of life.
Part of you resides within that tiny treasure. A part of you is breathing again so my heart needs to put away the sounds and surroundings of your last breath and treasure every moment of this new life. Its hard to do. I don't know that it is even possible to do but baby Hannah needs to know all about the love and life you lived not the sadness of the last breath you took.
Later when I held that beautiful new life my heart just melted. For a moment the hallway did not even exist. Seeing your daughter radiating with a beauty that I had always seen in you when you spoke of your children just took my breath away.
Life is a beautiful thing. Living life even more so. No one will ever be able to be to Hannah Grace who you would have been, but rest in peace knowing she will be surrounded by love. She will always know that from the moment she was born she began to hear the words Zsa Zsa. She will not understand those words or their meaning for years to come, never the less, to me, she will always be Zsa Zsa's baby.
Zsa Zsa's baby, baby girl
Zsa Zsa's baby.. most beautiful in the world.
Zsa Zsa's baby, sleep tonight
Zsa Zsa's baby...till the morning light.
Oh we'll rock you and hold you
and kiss your little feet,
we will laugh, we will cry
tears bittersweet
Zsa Zsa's baby, sweetest face
Zsa Zsa's baby.. little Hannah Grace.
1 comment:
Dear Lisa,
I read your heart-story of baby Hannah & her Zsa Zsa.
Your reality is the bold, happy music which represented & belonged soley to you and your friend is faded but oh, my goodness listen & hear the new replacement music.
Oh, my friend God is watching you and blessing you as you walk an unfamiliar path with a shattered heart, all the while bending occasionally to pick up a heart peice & learning the piece doesn't fit where it did pior to your friends death. The challenge is to build a new heart. Lisa, you are using your personal grief for His divine purpose. He knows your heart is broken! He took your one-of-a-kind friend home but returned love (Hannah)to you to replace the vanished love of your friend. Just see how He is using your abundant heart-love & your many talents, written & song.
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